Friday, July 22, 2005

Making Tents

Paul. A man who I would like to meet just to find out what his personality would be like. As you read, he runs the gamut of forceful, indignant, happy, frustrated, joyful, sarcastic, and the beat goes on. But, something my dad always mentioned to me when he was trying to persuade me to make money in a money-driven world, was that even Paul had a job: a tentmaker. While I've always sort of let this slip in one ear and out the other (since there are many better scriptures on work and making money), here I find myself, out in the money-driven world, making tents. To remind you from the last post, my 'tents' are mounds upon unconquerable Aztec mounds of corrugated cardboard, and the assorted contents, which range from blank labels and tickets to - blank labels and tickets. I know...you had to sit down didn't you.

So, Kat and I have good days and bad days with this job. Today, thankfully, was a good day. It's incredibly hard on her and me both to get about 8 out of 24 hours a day together, 7 of which is spent sleeping. I suppose the hardest part is that I feel nearly without purpose in this job, other than making money to pay bills. While paying off ones debts is certainly Biblical, I can't help but know that there's got to be more. It's difficult to say for me, because I sort of feel like I'm second-guessing God when I think this way. I have to remind myself that prophet after prophet second guessed God and was unhappy at some point. And also that there's not a formula for this life. This place in my life feels like a desert, and I'm trying to convince myself that throwing caution to the wind might not be the best solution. Of course, waiting around for something to happen certainly isn't better, and I feel like that's what we're doing, what with Kat having little to no luck finding a job for the fall and me despising the job I'm in. I keep thinking of Daniel, who God made successful in everything he did. As I recall, he was even brought out of prison to interpret the king's dreams. And Joseph, who was second only to pharaoh. I always wondered what Potiphar thought of that. Anyways, I find all sorts of reasons to keep my mouth shut when I could scream nails for the fact that this is not the place I want to be. And I know that I've heard and will hear every side of the argument from well-meaning people with no greater clue than I as to what God's idea of my life is. I want it written on the wall....except not. The only thing God every wrote on the wall was, "Your days are numbered. I'm sending the Persian army after you. Cry my a river." Besides, as Rich Mullins said, "God is a wild man." And if it was so easy, it seems like something would be lessened in that area of love and beauty and fury. Still, it's frustrating. I also prayed to get a job, and he certainly got me one. But I'm having a hard time feeling grateful.

All these reasons why I shouldn't complain though, I think they're invalid anyway. Job had what I would think is every right to complain, and yet when the heavens were opened to him, God said I'll question you. Certainly though, an audience with the Almighty would be the answer to everything, since it's more about presence, about I Am, about Amen. I can't wait for some door to open. I feel like I'm ready to kick one down. Thanks so much for reading, and I hope that this entry finds you well and prayerful and in wonder. Thanks for your prayers.

3 Comments:

and Blogger Canticles addressed the Senate...

Adam, I can certainly relate to your feelings of frustration. You know, my husband got his hours cut to almost nothing when we got back from Christmas and we had only been married a few short weeks. It took him until May to find a full time job. And in the meantime, EVERYONE was frustrated. Now he has a job, and he's mostly content in it, but I get easily frustrated because he works nights. I can't just be thankful that he has a job, finally, and even likes it for the most part. I have to whine about only seeing him for about 3-4 hours a day. This too shall pass, is of little comfort... And do you get a lot of unsolicited, trite comments from people? I do and I just feel like throwing a red headed temper tantrum, but I restrain myself...

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I know a bit of how you feel. And, yes, I feel ashamed that I'm like a toddler at Walmart, whining about wanting something else all the time. All the while, my Father knows what's best for me.

9:06 AM, July 23, 2005  
and Blogger Jared addressed the Senate...

Hey Bro, Definantly have been exactly where your at many times. Althought the circumstances aren't not the same(spending time with a wife..haha)but yeah its at those times that I roll back my sleeves, grit my teeth and remember this is not where I'm going to stay for the rest of my life when it comes to working.

My pastor Doug Sager believe it or not working in a steel mill for sometime.

Give me call this week....

5:44 AM, July 24, 2005  
and Blogger Natalie addressed the Senate...

Hey Adam,

I know how you feel in a way. We get frustrated when things just don't seem to go our way. For a while I have been frustrated with a lot of things...financial aid (trying to figure out how to pay for my last year), seminary (getting applied quickly so I don't get in a position where I can't apply), a church job (looking for those open doors in a pratically closed doors world, especially for women in ministry). Thinking about how much I wish it was the future and I had a job, and a husband, and a place to live besides my home where I am feeling their financial struggle as well. Missing the one I love who lives about 12 hours a way, and the only time I get to really see him is when he flies down (he left Saturday...stayed an entire week..it was wonderful). What I am trying to say is we all go through times of frustration, but all you can do is perservere. You know that. We try to tell ourselves that it is impossible to get out of a situation, but it isn't. As long as you look to the Lord and trust him with all your heart then all things are possible according to his will. A favorite verse I turn to in just about any situation is Psalm 27:1. I love that verse. I am sure you are familiar with it, but if not go look it up. That verse saved my life in a time where I lost all hope of surviving. God Bless you Adam!

5:53 PM, July 24, 2005  

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