~Yoda Star Wars, Episode V
So, I've been struggling recently to do just that. The subject of grace pops back in on me, and my inability to wrap my brain around it has me boggled. One of the many ironic things about grace, though, is that God's grace is big enough to handle my misunderstanding. I suppose that I long to be ever overwhelmed by the knowledge of the Love that is big enough to forget who I am and drive me towards who He knows I shall be. But for whatever reason, that constant pressing weight of Love that lifts all other burdens from me doesn't always press down so visibly. Thus, I feel that sometimes I stand in the desert of unknowing. My recent past has been just such a time, and such times always invite the ease of a theology based upon the justification through works of goodness. The thought ever looks over my shoulder for failure like the vindictive teacher in "Another Brick in the Wall." It whispers just above the still small Voice that I've left all I know to be true behind. I reminds me of passages in James but distorts them to be based not on Love, but on obligation.
We scratched the surface of a study of Hinduism tonight at church. As I remind myself that this makes me nowhere near an expert, let me also remind myself that I know my God does not work around a system such as that of the Hindu faith: a system of good karma through good works and devotion. He Loves me. And I suppose that it's comforting in a way that I cannot understand. If something cannot surmount my intellect, then it certainly can't conquer my sin. But...
... if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
~Jesus of Nazareth John, 8:36