I had an epiphanal moment of knowing what a beautiful place I live in. I left this morning as the sun was whispering out from behind the past nights spent and docile nimbus clouds, heralding the shadow of a Morning to come. Fields upon fields of hay and longgrasses have been mistily clad this day, the tell-all eyes of a bride beneath the veil. And the morning sun set the foggy atmosphere aflame in my rearview mirror as I drove west into the city. Kat and I have been searching and praying for a place to belong to a church. There's so much weeping built up in my heart about this, because while the masses argue that, "There's no such thing as a perfect church," I wish for a church that embraces the imperfect - a Body that is weak where He is strong. I don't want a rotary club. I don't want a pick-me-up. I don't want a program and a basketball court and the damnability of every shrine to Capitalism that I see. I want to weep the tears that have been waiting for many shoulders. I don't want to be made to sing and lift my hands in the view of brothers and sisters whom I've never gotten to know. I am a self-conscious bastard son of the Devil, saved from all my smallness by something I cannot fully know without dying, and I need to meet others like me. I need to feel comfortable to sit in the dust with the exiles by the Kebar River and be overwhelmed.
There are a hundred thousand things I'm unsure of, and an unseen list of that which I am certain. So I can't pretend to tell you all this as truth in the knowledge that I don't particularly know what's good for me. This is merely my heart. These are the aridities that I want refreshed by honesty and grace - both common and Divine. Hear the words of God to Jerusalem through Ezekiel:
" 'Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed, and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. They were haughty and did detestable things before me. Therefore I did away with them as you have seen."